i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Naked. naked and bneed help.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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