Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
