For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
