I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
