I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
