He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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