Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize