She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize