low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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