I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
