you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Every concussion has its silver lining
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
