turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
