$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
