12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dignity is for republicans.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
