Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
