my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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