come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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