I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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