sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
