I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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