I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
where does the pee come out of this thing
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
