So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
