I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
