So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
