how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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