so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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