just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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