I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize