The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
