you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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