i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
