she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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