i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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