there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize