WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
