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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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