Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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