You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
