All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize