Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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