he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
