she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
