you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
