it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
