I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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