She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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