He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
