If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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