Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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