How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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