he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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