Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
