Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
