A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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