I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
