Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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