All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
