Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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