I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
