i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
