You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
