you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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