dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
