is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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