yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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