I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
