If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
