Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
